At the top of the heap of truly terrible english platitudes: “it is what it is.” Christ, I don’t even like writing it. I must admit that I used it for years, until a friend of mine called me out for tossing around such an empty expression, and he was right. Think about it literally… what a ridiculous thing to say.

Example: An old pal gets laid off and is barely getting by on unemployment. “Hey man, it is what it is,” is the equivalent of saying “Hey man, you seem to be desperately unemployed and you actually are desperately unemployed.” Why would anyone say that? I guess it’s supposed to put one at ease about a situation that’s out of control, but the saying actually means nothing, which makes it a wholly useless consolation. Thank you, valued friend, for pointing out to me that, yes — IT really is what IT is. Now IT all makes sense and I can live again.

A more thoughtful friend might say something beyond a declaration of 1+2 = 1+2. “I’m so sorry. Do you want me to set your boss’ car on fire?” That’s sympathy, loyalty, and willingness to exact revenge on another’s behalf… hallmarks of true friendship. Even totally hopeless advice can have some sense of meaning and direction, like a line from The Big Lebowski, “Fuck it dude, let’s go bowling.” That’s helpful – a funnier way of suggesting to let it go and do what feels good. Nothing wrong with that, and a hell of a lot more useful than “it is what it is.”

Equally unhelpful as “it is what it is” is its close cousin,“it could be worse.” This expression is, ironically, the worst way of expressing empathy. Of course it could always be worse. So what? “Oh wow I’m sorry to hear you shattered your ankle in a car accident. Well, could be worse… you could be in a Nazi concentration camp.” I promise, no person worth the trouble of consolation would taking lasting comfort from knowing that someone out there has it REAL bad.

“It could be worse,” is accurately translated as, “I have no actual perspective on this matter and nothing meaningful to offer.” This is perfectly alright, by the way, but you might as well just say that instead. It’s more honest, at least, and you’re less likely to leave a friend like me silently wishing you’d go fuck yourself with your terrible expressions.

“
Young person, you’ll find in your life that sometimes your great ambitions will be momentarily stymied, thwarted, marginalized by those who were perhaps luckier, come from money, where more doors opened, where college was a given—it was not a student loan; it was something that Dad paid for—to where an ease and confidence in life was almost a birthright, where for you it was a very hard climb. Okay, that happens all the time. Some of the greatest Americans, some of the greatest thinkers, artists, architects, politicians and other movers, shakers and creators all over the world have come from very meager beginnings like my favorite American Abraham Lincoln. And so, just because you come from nothing you must not let that be something that holds you back.

And you will encounter people who never have to pay in full. They get to wreck the room and never have to clean it. They can get all the way through high school and never understand where a dollar comes from because they just get it given to them. I went to school with guys like that. You’ve had presidents like that. You’ve had friends like that and you’ve suffered.

Your humility has been tried. Your patience has been tried. Your resolve and your ambition has been tried. You cannot let these people make you feel that you have in any way been dwarfed or out classed. You must really go for your own and realize how short life is. You got what you got, so you have to make the most of it. You really can’t spend a whole lot of time worrying about his. You really have to go for your own. If you have an idea of what you want to do in your future, you must go at it with almost monastic obsession be it music, the ballet or just a basic degree. You have to go at it single-mindedly and let nothing get in your way. And that’s why you’re young. That’s why you can survive on no sleep, Top Ramen noodles and dental floss and still look good. And take advantage of that great energy you have, the fact that you can do an all-nighter.

All the people you admire, from Mohamed Ali to any politician, they work and work and work. A guy like Bill Clinton, not everyone’s favorite, Rhodes Scholar, he’s smart for a reason. Got a great mind, but he sat and he shoved a whole bunch of information in there and he learned how to connect the dots. And so can you. Your president right now is a man who got where he is through very hard work and scholarships, mainly hard work and application and discipline. If these people can do it, why not you?

It is very, very easy, though, to feel smaller, to feel less than when you see people with an advantage, walk where you struggle, who have ease of motion where you are constricted. It can be a real shot to your morale. It can be flummoxing to a degree where you’re almost paralytic. You got to keep picking yourself up and reaching for it. And that’s the long and short of it because if you don’t it won’t get done.
”

— Henry Rollins